Letter to Wheatley

Well. It's strange to be finally writing this. I wanted it to be as real and first-person as possible, and you can't edit what you say after it comes out of your mouth, so I won't be changing anything after I type it.

Anyway…

You know, we were never formally introduced? You mentioned your name a few times, and I'm sure you had mine on file, but we never actually told each other. So, I'm Chell. Pleased to meet you, Wheatley.

…

I had this all planned out. I told myself that if I ever had the chance to talk to you, I'd say this and that…and now that I've actually got this radio tower up and this computer working, I'm at a loss for words. Stupid of me, huh? Well, not stupid. Neither of us is stupid. But it's still rather silly on my part.

God I miss you so much.

Not what you expected, probably. Yeah, me neither. The first time I went through those test chambers, I actually enjoyed the silence. She only put in comments at the very beginning and end, so really it was just me and my thoughts. I chose not to talk then, by the way. To spite her. I wasn't very talkative Before, anyway (don't remember much, but I remember that.) I am mute now, though. Probably that brain damage you were always going on about. That was fine, and I had you to fill in the silence. I think your rambling must be contagious, because now all I want nothing more than to go on for hours, just to hear a voice. It wouldn't be yours, but it would be something, right?

She let me go. I wasn't very coherent, but I think the sentiment was "I'm sick of you wrecking my plans. Get out." So, in a way, we did escape…both of us…

Oh God, I'm crying. Give me a minute.

Right, back now. What was I saying? Oh, right.

I haven't seen any other humans. All the towns I've found look like they've been blitzed or something. but the sky stretches on forever, and there's a horizon to chase, so I suppose I'm happy. Sort of. When I realized how lonely I was, I hoped I could find someone out here who would be willing to talk to me. Like you.

You know, you were one of the only people I can remember who was ever kind to me? Let's just ignore the last bit, for now. The scientists ignored the test subjects (remember that too) and She just outright hated me. The other cores were insane, the turrets just wanted to kill, the Cube never really did much but hum…even the announcer-voice told me to discredit his compliments. And you, you were always so happy and positive and sweet and…and you actually cared. You have no idea how much that means to me, you really don't. if you were faking, you sure fooled me.

That was supposed to be funny. I don't think you were faking. Sounded so much better in my head…

Also, I'm sorry. What happened to you, it was all my fault. I shouldn't have pushed that damn button, but I don't listen to Her as a rule. Otherwise, I'm sure we could have just gotten out right then and there. And you seemed so excited…I was happy for you, by the way. Ecstatic. But I didn't want to leave you behind, so I suppose I didn't look it. And then, the lift went down…and I was miserable. I'm sorry I couldn't express myself better, so we could have just avoided that whole fiasco.

I miss you…

I've already said that, haven't I? Yep, there it is. Sorry.

I tried to catch you, too. I guess my reflexes aren't as good as I thought they were…Next time, I promise to just use my hands, because clearly the Portal gun is useless. If there's a next time, of course.

…

I cried when I thought She'd killed you. I don't know how you got patched up and back on that rail, but I nearly cried again when I saw you in the test chambers. There were cameras in there, though, so I suppose it's a good thing I didn't. No need to give Her more ammo, right? I don't really know what I'd have done if she did use something like that against us…I'd have been mad but I was so crazy protective of you after that first mistake…

You didn't know, did you? Believe me, if you'd disengaged from your rail back there, I would've never let you go. I know it probably doesn't seem like it, considering how it ended, but I wanted so badly to keep my grip, that if She-no. I won't shift the blame. I'm not weak, I should've held on. This is my fault.

This place I've found, it's nice enough. Like I said, it's kind of burnt out and very empty, but, you know, it's where I've settled. It's not home, though. It'll never be home, as long as I'm here alone. Which leads back to me missing you, which leads to how I got this huge old radio tower working, satellite dishes and everything, and hooked up this old laptop. Which leads to me, writing this, to broadcast it into space, hopefully to you. I have no idea if you'll even pick it up, let alone be able to respond, but God it feels so good to finally be able to say this to you. I'm so lonely, I'll probably keep writing, even if you don't respond, just to keep up the illusion that I'm not alone. Pathetic, what I've been reduced to, isn't it? Not the writing to you part, the rest of it.

You were, very possibly, the best friend I've ever had. Certainly within memory, anyway. I hope you pick up this transmission, I really, really do…

…

I never thought you were a moron. She never gave you enough credit. After all, you were the one who figured out about the turrets and the neurotoxin. You'll have to tell me how you got those panels to open up and let me out, sometime, by the way. That was incredible. Even in the later parts, your traps were much better than Hers ever were. You're not stupid, just really unlucky, okay? You're not a moron. Never, ever forget that.

I'd hug you, but…

How's…how's space? What's it like, being able to see everything, for infinity, in every direction? I wasn't really paying attention, that one time I saw it. It seems like it'd be lonely, but then I remember that you have those other three cores up there with you. The pink one and green one seem like they'd do nothing but fight, which probably gets boring. I suppose the yellow one must be happy, though. He did go on about space the whole time, even with all of you yelling at him that it wasn't possible. I wish that it hadn't been, I really do.

Do you have a time-counter? Just out of curiosity. I have no idea how long it's been since She took over. I'd sorta like to know how far removed I really am from my old life. Either of them, since I don't have a way to really keep track out here. Forgot to keep track for the first few days.

…

I guess I've run out of things to say. So, one again, I miss you. I'm sorry. If you get this and you do have some sort of way to write back, please do. It would mean the world to me.